


Every Sperm Is Sacred

by DictionaryWrites



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Anal Sex, Butt Plugs, Cultural Differences, M/M, Oral Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-19
Updated: 2014-01-19
Packaged: 2018-01-09 07:59:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,110
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1143505
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DictionaryWrites/pseuds/DictionaryWrites
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for this prompt on the The Hobbit Kink Meme. "Dwarves are not a very fertile race, it takes a lot of time for couple to conceive, and some never do. All this makes dwarves treat their sperm as something sacred. They always, always, finish inside; and they never, masturbate since that is a waste of seed. Perhaps the use of plugs to keep it all inside is also common." No MPreg - the fertility becomes a cultural thing - and yes, the title is indeed a nod to Monty Python.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Every Sperm Is Sacred

"What are you  _doing_?" Fíli asked, absolutely perplexed and befuddled, and Bilbo ceased his ministrations, blinking up at the dwarf and looking just as confused. He had been trailing his mouth over the other man's thighs, moving slowly upward, and now he tilted his head, furrowing his brow as he looked up at Fíli.

"I was going to- well. You know." Bilbo nodded towards Fíli's cock, hard and proud against his stomach - while it was not particularly long, it was certainly  _thick_ , and Bilbo had been eager to stretch his mouth around it.

One could say that to the hobbits belonged a sort of oral fixation - a penchant for food and drink and tobacco in pipes, yes, but also, an enjoyment was taken in pleasuring one's partner with lips and tongue and mouth. And, of course, taking the same, for hobbits also believed in fair trade where it was due.

Judging by Fíli's positively baffled expression and the shake of his head, he did  _not_  know. "Well, I was going to- well,  _you know_. Take you. In my mouth." Fíli stared at him.

"Do your people  _do_  that?"

"Why, yes, of course. It feels good. Dwarves do not?"

"Never!" Fíli said, and it was true, at least, to his own knowledge.

"Why ever not?" Bilbo asked, leaning back on his heals and tilting his head to the one side.

"Why- well. It's- it's a waste, is it not?"

"A waste?" Bilbo repeated. "A waste of what?"

"A waste of- well.  _You know_." Fíli said, and the fact of not knowing was now on Bilbo's side instead of his own. "A man's spendings. For pregnancy and what not."

"Fíli," Bilbo said, in as diplomatic a tone he could muster, which was not very, for he rather wanted to be fucked some time this evening, and it didn't appear to be close on the horizon. "I don't believe you will be getting me in the family way no matter how careful you are with your spendings."

Fíli flushed a quick scarlet. "Well! I do know that!"

"Do you?"

"I do!" Fíli insisted. "And I am older than you, might I remind you,  _hobbit_! I'm not a bairn! We just- it is not done among dwarves. It is just so: we spend only inside."

"You would be spending inside. Merely inside my throat, as opposed to-"

" _Bilbo_." Fíli said plaintively, and the Baggins let out a sigh. He would not enjoy the dwarf's thickness in his mouth tonight, it would seem.

"Very well." He said, and he grasped at the oil resting on the side table. This was their first time together like this, but Fíli was not disappointing: when Bilbo took him to the root, he let out a quiet, pleased sigh, enjoying the dwarf's thickness.

Fíli was amused. "Does that please you?"

"Certainly." Bilbo said in a dreamy tone, and Fíli chuckled, placing his hands on Bilbo's hips and splaying them there. He felt stretched delightfully wide, and he clenched around Fíli's, drawing a choked noise out of the dwarf.

"Oh, you'll pay for that!" He said, and Bilbo laughed until Fíli threw him backwards, pinning him to the bed and beginning to thrust his beds. Bilbo's laughter turned to noises that were more mewls than anything else, and he rolled his hips up for more as best he could as Fíli thrust his hips.

Bilbo let out choked grunts and moans, head dropping back and here, here, yes, Fíli used his mouth, dragging his teeth over Bilbo's neck, chuckling against the bared skin there before he suckled a bloom of a mark into the flesh.

It was especially  _glorious_ , even for Bilbo, who had always liked this sort of attention. He was hard and even leaking a little between their bellies before Fíli drew close to his own finish, and he put his hand around Bilbo's cock, clever dwarven hand working magic upon the length.

Bilbo came before Fíli but by the merest seconds, and the dwarf's grunts as he came were loud and accompanied by hot breath where they met the curve of Bilbo's proffered neck.

And when Fíli came, why! 

Bilbo thought he might burst.

It was  _heavy_ , oddly so, and seemed to be thicker than any hobbit's spending: Bilbo let out a quiet cry as Fíli's cock pulsed - and dear dear, did it  _pulse!_  Bilbo was gasping by the time Fíli pulled back, after what seemed like an age, and Bilbo was left dripping with it, and letting out soft noises.

"How can you-  _goodness_ , however can you-" Bilbo mumbled, his legs left spread and the muscles in his thighs aching. "That is rather a lot- oh-"

Fíli leaned over the side of the bed, plucking something from his satchel, and then moved between Bilbo's legs again. "What- hey now! Whatever is that!?"

Fíli blinked up at him, and again, there was that look of confusion that both of them had taken on far too often that evening. "It's a plug."

"A plug, he says!" Bilbo said, exasperated. "Why? What for?"

"Well. To keep it in you."

"But  _for what_? I'm not going to be pregnant, am I?"

"Well." Fíli said. "No, but- oh, it's just what's  _done_!"

"Shan't be done to me, I tell you!" Bilbo said, and he took the plug from Fíli's hand and placed it on the side. "If you want plugs to be- to be plugged in places, allow me an hour and I shall have  _you!"_ Fíli snorted.

"You shan't have me."

"Then no plugs are needed." Bilbo said primly, and Fíli snorted, but he acquiesced, leaning over Bilbo and pressing his lips to the other man's. Bilbo felt  _wet_ , wet and sweetly heavy, and the ache in his muscles was a good one, the best one - no ache was better than one that came from coupling, though that which was born from a long dance was perhaps a close second.

"You are a ridiculous hobbit."

"You are a stupid dwarf." Bilbo retorted stubbornly, and Fíli smirked.

"Perhaps." He said, and then he dragged his teeth down the other man's sternum, moving lower. "Use one's mouth, you say? Why, if I am so stupid, Bilbo, educate me!"

"Y-yes, quite." Bilbo murmured, and he watched the dwarf intently. "I could instruct you."

"Could you now! Go on then. Instruct." Fíli said, his grin wide and almost predatory, and Bilbo let out a little laugh. He would be oversensitive, but when Fíli's tongue darted out to trace over his own lips, he quite forgot the fact.

And so Bilbo offered instruction he had not offered before, and the rewards were certainly good ones.


End file.
